clarity please

Greetings........, I'm back......, are YOU ready for this?  Two entries in two days, after how many days, weeks, months of nothing.......well a tid bit here and there just to let you know that I am existing, but if you have been reading you know exactly what I am talking/writing about.  But, returning and writing again.....well what can I say?  This is me, and it's the way it goes!  The thoughts and the moods have struck my mindful being so...... I actively act upon it, and THAT has been my life.  That is why I titled this entry the way I did, for that is exactly what struck my mind,  so that is what I need to write about, because that is what I desperately need at this time, well....maybe not that dramatic...I mean desperately? Sounds rather dramatic to me....I digress....I think the word I need to utilize here to fit the occasion is.......desiring, that's it! I am desiring the need for clarity at this time.
      Let's see......hmmmmm.... according to the online 'Merriam-Webster Dictionary', the Definition of Clarity is:"The quality or state of being clear".  And that my dear readers is the question of the decade for my life at this junction in time, C L A R I T Y.....what is it?
      You are probably wondering what brought on this thought process, well it started with 'The Mood Disorder Questionnaire' which I am to have filled out before my next doctor's appointment.  It all began with this question; "Has there ever been a period of time when you were not your usual self....." and there are a multitude of choices following, to mark Yes or No.  My dilemma is I'm not clear if I know what IS my usual self? And it is upon those last two words I desire clarity on? Usual self...........what is that?
      I am truly being very genuine when I state......I don't have a clue what my "usual self" is.  If I had the answer to that...well.....then..... I would know how to exercise my will to be normal.........or what is "perceived" as normal........right?  My actions which have conducted my life have been from one spectrum to the other, from never ending energy surging through my person and mind, hyper activity, endless confidence to the full depths of everything opposite of what I just described.  I mean I don't know what was "not" my usual self, for me that has always been my usual self.  Does anyone see my dilemma here?
      So there you have it, as far as I can see I literally do not have a clue, not one shred of evidence to know what is my "usual self".  I hate these types of questions for they leave me feeling I don't know how to answer them..........I really need some clarity here...........PLEASE!!!!!!
      Later.......
Posted by The Manic Chef